Before walking the Camino de Santiago, I had thought that people were being cheesy and over sensitive when they talked about their camino experiences. After 828km of different cultures, landscapes, and physical and emotional challenges, I know better now.

It is hard to explain why I began this great challenge in the first place. I liked walking, I wanted to practice my spanish, and I suppose I wanted to prove something to myself, but the truth is that it goes a lot deeper than that. It has a lot more to do with feeding the soul (I know that sounds corny, but it is true).

‘Normal’ life is so fast paced, and so fixed on superficial goals; making the most money you can, being the best at your job, being popular, educated, prosperous in all things. I found that I had become lost in the noise of it all, unable to relax, nor ever fully able to satisfy the expectations of others. Life was not energizing me, and after suffering the loss of loved ones too, I could not see a way out of the maze I was in.

When I decided to leave everything behind to start travelling and begin walking the camino, many people told me that they envied my courage. The truth is, whilst it is brave to leave your comfort zone, that is not what led me to walk ‘the way’. When you get so desperate to live happily, you will try anything to reconnect.

The Camino de Santiago is not a leisurely walk, or even just a physical endeavour. It is a spiritual journey full of physical anguish, beautiful moments and life changing epiphanies. That is what my life needed.

Every day, there was only one goal, to follow the bright yellow arrows, and find the next place of refuge. The only priorities are food, water, shelter and occasionally if I was lucky, heat & hygiene.

There were moments when putting one foot in front of the other was agonising. With blistered feet, tired muscles, sweat streaming down my face, as I carried everything I had on my back. I’d wonder if I made the right choice, if I could carry on. Then, something would happen, something small and natural, and it would change my thoughts. Things like finding an ancient cave, seeing a rare eagle fly just next to me, or a beautiful mountain view.

I had one day, when I had been walking for two hours in the rain, uphill, I was in pain and not enjoying myself. Then, suddenly, the rain cleared and I was at a natural park with views of the sea and rivers running past, birds swooping down to the water below… and then above me a rainbow appeared. This almost moved me to tears. It rejuvenated me and reminded me that all storms are followed by beautiful light and life.

But isn’t that what life is about?

Working through the struggle to get to the happier moments. Life is a constant search, not for happiness as a constant state, as this is not possible. It is a search for moments of happiness, contentment and peace. You cannot have moments of happiness without the contrast of pain and struggle.

Quite a few times during the walk, I compared it to what I imagine childbirth is like to some degree. Your feet swell, your back hurts, you have an agonising physical experience, then when it is over, you forget all the pain and can only think about the amazing result. Often, people forget about the pain so easily, that they want to do it again!

What is perhaps more important that this, is that the more pain you have endured, the more happiness you have the capacity to appreciate. I used to wish that the bad things that had happened in my life, hadn’t happened, but if they hadn’t how could I have the strength and search for happy moments that I have. If you never stumble, how can you learn to get up?

Many people already have all they need to live happily. Medieval pilgrims would have seen normal people today as rich in all they have, and expect us to know our blessings. In the western society though, people no longer can appreciate it. I would now argue that we have become too comfortable, too lacking in the struggle to survive. This is why it is harder to feel happy moments when they come, instead you feel nothing at all.

If you lived in nature, and it began to rain, you would need to find or build shelter to escape it. You may also rejoice the rain, because after long drought, your survival depends on it. I cannot count all the times I have cursed the rain, and been angry about it, simply wishing it would stop, meanwhile I effortlessly wonder into my home, that I did not take any risk in acquiring.

When exploring the ancient lives of paleolithic cave people during my walk, and visiting their shelters, I realised how ungrateful I had been. These people had barely anything, and what they did have, they spent long periods of time making themselves. They lived in damp hard holes in the ground, and had to fight bears and other animals for the right to be there.

This made me reconsider things. I should be grateful for the rain that many others might pray for still today, and the home that I did not have to bleed for.

Once I began to change my mindset, I started to appreciate things. Everything became more special. Whilst the rain may not be may favourite weather, I could now look up and smile in it.

A piece of bread was now vital substance, my socks and shoes were precious gems, and passing animals became welcome friends. I watched the snail slide down the same path as me, and considered his struggle, following the same hard terrain with no tools, and his home on his back. I found a new respect for many creatures that do not possess the aids that we have. I could not match the struggle of the snail, the donkey or the stray cat. I must remember and appreciate this.

It all comes down to perspective, and there is plenty of that around on the camino, from the scenery to the people you meet.

I met so many different people, and had such varied conversations. From simple laughs with local bar tenders, to deep life conversations with diners on the next table to me. Most of the pilgrims I met were searching for the same thing as me. Meaning.

I met a couple that had already been cycling for four months from their home in Germany, wanting to find more joy in their lives. I spoke with an Englishman that wanted to live day to day, and a man from Belgium, who was looking for a new direction.

The nuns, farmers, small business owners and simply just other pedestrians, we were all sharing the same need to slow down. The culture of Spain in general is very relaxed, and people savour their meals and take their time to talk to strangers and neighbours alike. The amount of times I was stopped by a local that wanted to talk with me and ask about my journey, is hard to count! It was so warming, and it just made me feel connected to these people.

Whilst I have met many people, most of my time was spent alone with my thoughts. Friends have asked me if it’s horrible being alone, and don’t I get lonely.. well I did get lonely, and sometimes it made me sad, but more often I was happy.

I could sing as loud as I wanted to songs that I do not know the words, cry about stuff that only mattered to me, and work through my thoughts. I know that it can be scary to face your thoughts and feelings, but it is the only way to move past them.

I don’t believe these are things that someone could have told me and I would have then understood. They needed to be lived. Going back to basics as far as possible, this was the shock I needed, to remember what I have and what life offers us all. To be able to be grateful to just be on this planet and living this moment, and enjoy it!

It truly is a pilgrimage, and a journey to explore yourself, and I would recommend that anyone who feels lost, walks ‘the way’.